Many years ago, I remember being so lost in my life, seeking help and not being able to find it. I remember going to “experts” who claimed to have answers for me and who charged me quite a bit of money to “help” me. I went to psychotherapists, psychics, family constellation practitioners, life coaches, marketing coaches, relationship coaches, yoga teachers, meditation teachers, somatic therapists, nutritionists and tarot card readers. You name it, I sought it out, yet it seemed that I couldn’t figure out how to find a life coach or an effective healer that could genuinely help and guide me.
I gave my power and money away to them, yet I’d say that only about 5 percent of these practitioners really helped me. The folks who did help me were a Godsend, but it took time to weed through the garden to find them. It was like online dating to find the right partner.
I was young and in my 20s. I had been in a bad car accident that caused me serious injuries. I was also in a toxic relationship, dealing with some trauma from the past, and basically feeling like a mess.
I gave my power over to these “experts” because I thought they must know better than I did. They’re more experienced.
I remember going to a relationship coach who literally was choosing men I should date online and was choosing men my father’s age because they looked “nice” and had a nationality she felt was “nice.” She never considered MY DESIRES. I had met a younger man at the time with whom I had a very strong connection. She told me not to pursue that relationship. “Do you really want to expose your age and wrinkles to someone when you get older,” she asked. Today I realize that she was vomiting her bias and problems with HER age onto me. I wasn’t worried. I have dated a few younger men and it’s NEVER been an issue. And girl, I have cellulite too…
I was a yoga teacher at the time and some of my yoga teacher colleagues were kind in the yoga room to their students, but outside of it treated their colleagues like shit. They were angry and manipulative. I realized they’d probably be more awful without yoga, but my dream that yogis and yoginis were loving and kind people was gone and very disheartening.
Then I sat in a form of meditation silence for over 30 days. You get a 15-minute interview with a teacher every few days. One of the female meditation teachers dismissed my feelings after I revealed my grandfather has died. She showed zero compassion.
My first yoga teacher was all about the phrase “NEVER SURRENDER!” She was a fighter, so when you showed vulnerability or were releasing tears too much for her liking, there would be a comment of some sort in your direction.
I went to a therapist once and I listened to her talk the whole time. The WHOLE time. I paid for it too. What a joke!
I could go on and on…
Toxic “experts” are simply human beings who haven’t owned their work or humanity. Yes, it sucked. Yes, I got very hurt and felt misunderstood. Yes, I was struggling to find a life coach or healer who could actually help me.
But, sometimes, many times actually, the most difficult people are the best teachers.
WHY ON EARTH WOULD I SAY THAT?
Through these “teachers,” we get to learn how not to behave. You get to learn to have empathy. You get to learn who YOUR people are. You get to pick your team. You get to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t.
You get to seek until you find the answers.
You get to find hope.
You get to push forward because your life depends on it.
You get to learn how to genuinely love yourself.
But, the process of learning how to find a life coach, mentor or healer can get so discouraging. Yet, knowing what to look for and avoiding bad “help” can save you a lot of time, money and energy.
Nine Ways To Know That It’s Time To Break Up With Your Coach/Mentor
They don’t listen to you.
They impose their desires on you.
They act like they know you better than you know yourself.
They push you toward their dreams, not yours.
They push you toward toxic situations and relationships.
You are listening to themselves more than they are to you.
They tell you to just drink chamomile tea and get over it.
Or they say take a pill and get over it when you don’t have a mental illness.
(This is different if you genuinely have a mental health problem).
Their actions and words outside their practice does not match their teachings.
How To Find A Life Coach, Mentor Or Healer That’s Right For You
While there are some awful coaches, therapists, mentors and healers out there, the good news is that there are also some great ones. When working to figure out how to find a life coach, mentor or healer, it’s important that you do your research, have an idea of the specific sort of help that you’re in need of and find someone with whom you can connect with. After years of engaging in spiritual and personal development and healing work, as well as over a decade helping women all over the country through my coaching for women practice, I have a more than a few ideas on what makes for an excellent coach.
Someone who has empathy and has been there before you.
Someone who does the work and has done it so they can simplify the work for you.
Someone who wants to hear you.
Someone who believes in your healing and your dreams.
Someone who helps you go for your desires no matter what they are.
Someone who walks the talk.
Someone you feel safe with.
Someone who wants you to not have to work with them weekly for the rest of your life.
How To Get The Most Out Of Your Experience
We have so many options in this life, yet unfortunately not everyone has access to the healing that they need. If you are able to have access to a mentor, coach or anyone else in the healing arts, I encourage you to meet your practitioner in the following ways to get the most of your experience:
Be coachable. You are hiring this person for a reason. If you found a good one, ignoring their opinions will not help you get better. It’s important to stay open to feedback.
Be decisive. The only way I healed was because I had decided long ago that none of these folks will break me and I’ll do whatever it takes to heal. Have you decided this? If not, this is a crucial step in healing.
Be committed. Staying committed even when things suck is what will get you to the other side. No one can do this alone. Once you’ve found a good practitioner, keep doing the work.
Are You Ready To Heal And Cultivate Confidence, Sensuality And Passion In All Aspects Of Your Life?
I know you can heal because I healed. And even though it was a rough road at times, and I wondered if I would make it, I kept moving forward. You can too.
I believe in you and your desires.
Are you ready to be coachable, decisive and committed? Are you ready to stop wondering how to find a life coach, woman’s coach or healer and take the real steps to finding a great fit for you? Are you ready to take your career, relationships and general wellbeing to the next level?
If so, I’d love to talk with you! Set up your free 30 minute call today.
So much love,