What is a safe space?
If we were lucky, and were simmering for 9 months in our mother’s belly, the womb was our initial safe space. For many though, this was not a reality. Our mother’s may have been anxious and/or dealing with their own problems and difficulties with being a human being. The womb though is a great metaphor for a safe space: warm, non judgemental, a place to recharge, a place that is our own, a place that’s sacred.
We need to feel this way somewhere in our lives and preferably in all or most aspects of our lives: work, home, relationships and within our body.
There are certain people in each of our lives that we cannot speak to about our truth. They either don’t get you or the situation or they don’t know how to respond. They are not safe people. You can’t even try to make them safe. They’re not even if you try. I hear people say too often, “You have to accept people for how they are”. OR “They’re just like that”. Of course, you cannot change another BUT you don’t have to share your vulnerabilities and truths with them if they are not safe and are harming you.
Safe people are obvious to your nervous system: It’s safe to talk with them. It’s safe to be real. They listen to you. They don’t try to fix you. They only give advice if asked. They’re empathic.
One question to ask yourself: Are you safe for others? Are you safe for yourself?
During the pandemic, I have also found that safety has taken on an even more physical meaning: Is this place virus free? How can I cause the least amount of harm to myself and others during such an unknown experience? Can I freaking go inside to eat!? How can I live without getting someone else sick?
There’s so many people arguing. It’s hard to know what exactly to do.
How does one feel safe sharing who they are and how they truly feel? How do we be safe for others and not betray ourselves and still create safety for ourselves?
Is it even possible to feel safe in a fight? During a pandemic? During difficult times?
Yes, it is and safety will mean different things to each one of us. We need to initially find that safety within ourselves.
I’m reminded of a story about the Holocaust: I heard about people in the concentration camps offering their last slice of bread and supporting. In such a horrific time, they offered a sense of hope and of possibility.
It’s possible. We can do it. We need to choose to do it.
How do we create a safe space?
We need to create space first by recognizing what is happening. Get all the information you need. There is so much false information on every level right now: health, healing arts, you name it.
We will need to monitor what we read, hear and believe.
We will need to make sure when we are real with who we are, the other person can genuinely receive us.
We will need to practice taming our minds or it will tame us.
We’ll need to make sure we know how to regulate our emotions. Life is gonna life folks… we cannot control that. We can control our response to the crazy. That doesn’t mean deny. It may mean to choose not to participate.
The most important first thing: be real with ourselves and our feelings.
Stop accommodating others. When you feel safer, you will energetically help others feel safer just by your presence.
It’s the energy frequency. It’s not false or argumentative. Safety can only be found with true compassion and empathy.
Think of forgiveness: in the law of attraction world, you just forgive or your ‘negative energy” will harm you. This is bullshit.
Forgiveness is a process. You won’t have to try to forgive. Once you move through your feelings of hurt or anger, forgiveness will naturally arise.
Internal feelings of safety are the same way. It starts with one small step: being real with where we are, honoring it and then making a choice from that place of empathy for ourselves… then we will naturally create safety for others.
5 Tips on How To Create Safe Spaces:
This blog was inspired when I noticed a lighthouse at the beach. Lighthouses are signals of safety or danger… They help boatmen avoid hitting the rocks.
We need to be the lighthouse for one another.
This is what I am for my clients: a lighthouse, a sense of safety to hold the space so they can allow for their experience and honor their feelings. This will help them create more fulfilling lives, live with less pain and be the lighthouse for another.
Be authentic. Too often I hear about folks using “positive affirmations” to try to avoid their feelings of anger, grief and or pain… All this will do in the end is make the emotions move toward a health problem or physical tension. Be honest with what’s true for you.
Say “No” when you want and need to from a place of kindness and truth. I hear from clients all the time that they say yes too often… Time to learn to say No. Your NO is a gift. It honors #1: your authenticity and truth.
Not trying to do it all by yourself. I write about this a lot. It’s not easy to ask for help. Some people say well you’re just saying this because you want a client… No… I am not. You may not even hire me or resonate with me. That’s totally fine. NONE OF US CAN HEAL WITHOUT SUPPORT. That’s really a fact. If you didn’t have the support from your family growing up, you may not be used to deserving or asking for it…
Honoring the difficulties with empathy and strength. Things suck sometimes. Create a list of your resources and put it somewhere so when you feel like shit, it’s there.
Learning what you need to do to cut out the overthinking, sleep better and get more energy.
The world is in such an unknown place. It isn’t feeling as safe as it did in 2019.
We need to pivot our practices, get assistance and support, we need to redesign our worlds to make this world a better place to live in.
It starts within. It doesn’t start out there. If you don’t feel safe, it’s time to pivot.
But as Yogi Bhajan says, “When the whole world falls, you must stand as a lighthouse.”
I hope this helped you in some way learn at least one thing to create a sense of safety…
Let’s stand as the lighthouse together and if you’re not sure how, set up a free consultation and I’ll help you learn to feel safer within yourself and life again.
Lot’s of love,